Okay so I lied. I do look for her. I sift through cyberspace on Friday nights because the gay clubs are tired and the lesbian clubs are filled with couples. The streets are filled with her but she can’t see me because he’s holding my hand. Even though I just smiled at her and my eyes told her how beautiful she is. She saw my lust, she acknowledged it but didn’t know what to do with it. What could she say while he is by my side?
I sift through slutty cyberspace ads sometimes posting ads myself. I do get replies but I’ve yet to see her. They’ll come over in a second for a NSA hookup but that’s not what I want. I can’t go to cupid or match.com they don’t cater to the likes of me (I’m on bicupid already, lol).
The sites I do belong to don’t produce results so what do I do? I don’t look. That’s right, I just contradicted the shit out of myself but it’s true. I go on binges, searching, sifting, hoping I will be lucky and find the missing piece to my life. I’ve found Him. I never take Him for granted at any second of any day. He is my Prince Charming and I am utterly blessed!
But where is she?
As of 2010 there are 6,895,889,018 humans on this earth.
The population of the United States is 310,383,948.
157,244,385 of those humans in the United States are female.
The population of New York City as of 2012 is 19,570,261.
51% of people in New York are female. How many of those women are straight? Bisexual? Lesbian? Trans?
It’s exasperating looking for her so I search a bit…then I don’t. I just imagine to myself how we’ll meet when I just can’t take searching anymore and I give up.
Will she look at me from across the train? We’ll speak, exchange numbers and meet? Will I run over with my shopping cart in the grocery store by accident? Maybe she’ll smile at me walking past on a sunny day in the park. I don’t know. All I know is I miss her, I’ve had her, I’ve lost her…she’s out there somewhere. Maybe we’ll meet during Pride month. The odds seem a bit higher, lol.